| The Wit and Wisdom of Maury Povich |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|01:56 am] |
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| | Miami | ] |
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| [ | music |
| | Charles Manson - LIE | ] |
Maury is an evil man, but I watch, so I must be much worse. He creates the junk food to feed the pigs, and I gorge. Watching Maury the way I do is perverse, but I bow to the Destroyer of Life's Brief Joys and Pontiff of Utter Humiliation, because he has taught me a few things about the way the world works.
First, and this is the most important piece of knowledge here, never go on a talk show. Any talk show Maury, Springer, Ricky, Jenny, even that wuss Montel.
Next would be that if you were dumb enough to be suckered into one, when you exit the waiting area: 1) if the crowd claps when you walk out, you are about to have every hope and dream you hold dear crushed in front of hundreds of thousands of pricks like me, who make it a hobby to point and laugh. 2) if the crowd boos when you walk out, you are a dirty, stinking liar who will fail his polygraph and is about to be shown a video of himself attempting to rub on titty with a "sexy decoy".
Maury has taught me that it is highly common to sleep with your wife's sister, having a threesome with twins, or sleep with more men in one month than you have fingers and toes, as every ten minutes a new victim is seated in Maury's endless line to my cathode-rayed slaughterhouse. Hell, I now expect this from my bitches. "Yo, babe, your sister's ass was looking mighty fine, so you know."
I have learned that smugness can be wiped clean off a face when one reads the words, "You are not the father." or "The lie detector determined that was a lie."
Also, people - no matter how little they really care about your feelings - will say, "I'm sorry," a whole lot, even when they don't mean a word of it.
Lastly, I found out that women are so very cruel, conniving and uncaring when all they're looking out for is a man to pay their baby's bills - especially if the baby be from another man. Watch and learn as you see countless men jump up from the shock of being told on national television that the child they've been fathering was some other loser's. Where is the woman who broke the poor shlub's heart on Part One of this episode (normally by telling him she cheated on him four years ago and their child may not be his)? She ran out, as usual, stage right with her hands over her face, leaving said shlub to walk around aimlessly looking for someone to hug, until who steps in yes, the Pope of this Unholy See with his trite words of pseudo-pabulum, "You can raise this child. I adopted a baby that isn't mine." You are a true hero Maury! In so many ways.
Thank you Maury, I have learned much.
Mostly, you've taught me not to trust.
Oh, but I still watch.
Watch, point...
and laugh.
- Adel
feastofhateandfear.com
The article / blog above was originally posted in 2004 and was available only via MySpace. It was later read on air by Jorge Rodriguez of the Neil Roger's Show (560 WQAM). |
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| Comments: |
Perhaps those idiots set themselves up for failure ;> | |
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